i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
