I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
