I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize