I think I died a long time ago.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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