....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
