So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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