hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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