I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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