he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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