evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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