i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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