I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
