how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
