How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
