his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
