I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
