my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize