just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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