My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
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There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
false alarm, still single
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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