She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
BRING THE BAGELS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
