When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
