To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
