to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dicks are not precious.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
