Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
