And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
