I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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