Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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