I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
