Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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