The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
