I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
