connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
