reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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