is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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