STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
