i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
