dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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