I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
