You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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