I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
