I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
