i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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