Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
