tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
