Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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