i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
