If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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