Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
