so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
