Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
