dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
