When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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