What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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