My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
