dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
