threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
