spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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