I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need to sanitize my soul.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
