Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.