Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night