I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver