But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.