Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan