i wish my penis had a tongue
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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