Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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