We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
