i wish there were pregnant emoticons
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
