mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize