It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
