it wasn't lemon gatorade
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
