Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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