Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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