how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
