She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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