for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
