I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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