is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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